I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
