oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
