dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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