we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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