Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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