The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
