I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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