someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
