Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
