he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
