Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
