So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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