I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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