I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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