I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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