he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
