So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
