I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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