I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
