low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
