I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
