It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
