Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
