I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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