i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
