Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
