HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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