you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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