ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
