So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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