Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
