I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
