Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
