i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
