You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
