Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
