evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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