I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
