time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
