she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
