How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
