I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
