I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
