i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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