if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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