Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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