well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
