Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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