so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
did i just pee glitter
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
