It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
