I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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