yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
