part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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