somebody snuck up and got me drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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