I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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