Someone shit on the floor
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
