I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize