Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
