they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
