It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
