Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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