i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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