But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
