remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
