it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
