Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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