are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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